Everything's out of place...

Everything's out of place... My inside out so upside down. Fast forward, rewind, I'm walkin' backwards in time. Everything that's new feel's like I've done before. The moon lights the day, since the sun lost it's way...

A couple of friend's said some really encouraging things to me today. I am really lucky and grateful to have some amazing people in my life. I feel a bit better and that's the main thing. It could just be PMS passing by...who knows.

I'm just feeling a bit trapped every which way that I look. But... my friend has kind of inadvertantly inspired me to take a leap of faith. I thought of advertising to make websites professionally awhile ago, but I needed to register a business number and there was something preventing me from doing that at the time. However, I am able to do it now, I think as long as I don't earn above a certain amount of money. To cut a long story short, I got offered a really amazing website job last year for a rock band who are actually kind of big here in Melbourne now. I knocked it back because of the fear factor. What they wanted wasn't anything too difficult and there was just two things that I wasn't 100% sure how to do, but I could have had some help or just took the plunge to figure it out. I didn't. I kinda let myself succumb to the idea of, "Ohmygosh, how dare I ever consider myself professional?? Much less let someone pay me for it..." and I made up some idiotic excuse to everyone who asked me if I was taking it on. "They want stuff that's too over my head." ... whatever, I just told the manager of the band that I was too swamped to take it on. Oh yeah. Sure.

Last year another friend gave me the opportunity to create a website for her business. I got half thru it and chickened out because I didn't think I could ever match up to what she really wanted/needed and really let her down.

I've created websites for business before. In fact, the last few websites I've created, I have been paid for. But, because they actually haven't been for a business but rather for someone's personal use, I haven't been scared by the idea of them. I've completed them to the satisfaction of the client and been paid. Great.

Well... my friend is opening a business and asked me to do a website for it. I've agreed. I don't want to keep making the same ridiculous mistakes. I won't lie and say there's been moments where I've felt really freaked out by not believing I can deliver... but I really want to just give it a go.. and at the end of the day if she's not happy then she'll find someone else and I'll be able to say I gave it a shot.

A lot of the time I see websites for business' that are ridiculously ugly and I know I could create something much more appealing and clean looking and I know that for the websites the company has probably paid hundreds of dollars -- so after talking on the phone to one of my friends tonight (who has her own business) I'm thinking like my friend of whom I'm now creating the website for ... just go for it. I know I have the capacity to do it, it's just doing it. And I have to get over it someway or another because it's beginning to overrule my life. And if I fail, then at least I'll know I've tried. I studied web design for a year, I really do know what I'm doing. I also learned most of everything I know by myself.

It won't cost a lot of money at all to do this legally (by registering an ABN) because I already have a business website, I already have all the software packages ... the only thing I might need (in the future, right now its okay) is a new computer (because software packages run really slowly on this laptops for some reason... i.e photoshop and flash mx etc) and I might look at doing a short course in how to use Flash, just so I can add it. Even if I'm only doing one site a month, that's still a few hundred dollars more than I have now. When (if) I'm at uni it will really help me to be making extra money on the side.

So... I'm going to call my Dad tomorrow and talk to him about it more (he ran his own successful business for about 20 yrs) and see what he thinks... and on monday I have to call my Sydney G.P to talk to her about getting a letter of support for my university application. I figure if I don't get in to University, I'll just look at doing a childcare course or something that can be a bit of a shoe in for the following yr.

Also, today I got off my fat ass and took my dog for a walk. I made the mistake of taking Dev as well as Billie... and he's old and fat and can't keep up ... and by half a km later, he was limping, so I had to bring him home cos he'd hurt his foot and had to go have it checked. Tomorrow I'm going to take Billie on her own so we can walk farther. I just need to do it if for no other reason but for my health. When I go to Sydney, eventually (my Mum sort of suggested that she might drive me and pay for my return flight as my bday gift) I will see my G.P and get her to suggest something for my leg... I really, really want to go next month just so I can see a real doctor. (WHY ARENT THERE ANY "REAL" DOCTORS IN VICTORIA?! IF YOU KNOW OF ONE, SEND ME TO HER!!!!!!!!)

Anyway.... there's my happier post. We'll see what happens anyhow.

xoxox
Jess