Just having one of those days...
I'm tired of things not being "right" ... Felt really crap yesterday (and was told I looked considerably unwell - nice.) feel even worse today. The leg is doing the whole, "lets swell right up again."
You know how on the back of your calf muscle you can kinda pinch it?(unless you're so muscular and you dont have an inch of fat) Well, my leg is so tight on my right that I don't have that at all, but oh, plenty of flab to pinch on my right calf. It worries me and I'm so bloody tired of not knowing what's wrong or having stupid ridiculous drs just glance at it and shrug and move on to the next thing.
I'm feeling really incompetent with everything. You know that whole feeling that we all succumb to every now and then? Just feel like I'm not good enough in most aspects of my life. I had a dream the other night that the Fr. at my Parish made me sign a contract that promised me to be a better Catholic, which made me really sad when I woke up.
I feel like I'm a hopeless worker (especially with all the issues I've had with my Mum about transport lately), not a good enough friend, am not good enough to take on certain responsibilities and get them done. I succumb to failure before I even attempt, because I "know" I'll never succeed to begin with... I'm ridiculous with this stuff.
I'm so unmotivated that I can't even get off my wide load for more than 15 min every day to go for a walk which is probably the sole cause of the swollen leg - fluid from NO EXERCISE.
I really do suck. When I feel like this I kind of just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head until it passes ... I don't care if it takes months. The things that I do have going for my life aren't very impressive things and I just sit and wonder ... what is the effing point of anything?
[/end woe is me post]
g'nite.
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4 comments:
Jessypoo, you're not inadequate. You just have low self esteem and motivation. But there is nothing that you aren't capable of doing, if anyone else can also do it. You're just not using your mind and body to it's fullest potential, but that isn't your fault. You just need to speak to someone who specialises in helping people realise their own self-worth. Maybe you should speak to a psychologist? Get all your fears and frustrations out of your system and have a professional person explain how to deal with it? You could even go to a community centre counsellor. With the risk of sounding all Nat-Like, I think it'll be really good for you. In any case, whatever you do, I know you'll come out on top of things - you've already taken control of your life by putting your faith in G-d, and that is a miracle in itself. Imagine what else can eventuate in your life? Don't give up on yourself cuteness. That's the surest way to have other people give up on you. Love you to bits. Have a great long weekend!
Hey Jess,
Things sound really pretty tough at the moment, and it sounds like you have a lot of difficult stuff to deal with.
Do you have anyone you can talk to? Someone you can talk to honestly and truthfuly and tell them everything?
Ideally someone who will give you some feedback; maybe point out things you didnt think of, and advise you on how things can change for the better.
I would second dorinny above...someone like a counsellor might be helpful; they would be someone safe to talk to, who wont hold anything against you and to whom you can pour out everything to. But also they are trained at helping, and so can give you tips and hints and advice for practical changes and can see your difficulties from a new fresh point of view.
You're not hopeless; you have had a lot of stuff going on in the past, a lot of really difficult stuff going on at the moment, and that's all having its effect....but YOU are not hopeless or useless, and are totally capable of achieving.
and keeping lovin' Jesus. He loves you so much, and wants to help.
God Bless
love you lots,
-x-x-x-x-
You guys are really wonderful.
Thanks for the kind and encouring words.
love you both so much.
xx
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