Friday, September 08, 2006

Sunday Scribbling #24 - I would never write...

I’ve had my very own online journal since diaryland opened in 1998 (that’s 8 years ago!) and in that time I have made many mistakes with the posting of private information about myself, my friends and other people. I would write freely, naively thinking that the only people reading were one or two close friends.

I got popular and moved on to my own self-made website blog. I no longer referred to friends as single initials. My blogs then included pictures and more detailed information. All of my online friends and all of my offline friends would read. Knowing this, whenever I’d have a fight with a friend, I would post about it cryptically on my journal, leaving all of my friends wondering if it was them that I was slurring and bitching about. I kinda liked causing a bit of drama, it kept things interesting.

Then something happened. I felt momentarily upset about a stupid incident with my very best friend. So, what did I do? I wrote her a letter. I posted it on my journal. It was clear to all of my readers who I was talking about. I left out names of course, but it wasn’t rocket science. I listed all of her faults, and listing my only fault was thinking that she cared about me. This was letter was single-handedly responsible for ending a 5 year long inseparable friendship with one of the closest friends I’d ever had.

It was all because of an irrational, and only temporary feeling. If I had slept on it before posting it and still felt the same way in the morning then things would have been different. But because of all the words that I acted as if had bled out of me after just a little grazing, I hurt my friend irreparably.

Months later, apologies were made amicably, though things had just been too far damaged to actually just move on and grow as friends. And I didn’t blame her at all.

So since then I have learned a very precious and valuable lesson.

I will never ever write a letter to one of my friends online. Write cryptically about an argument I’ve had with one of my friends hoping that she/he reads what I’ve written about them and feels hurt, I will never try to stir any drama through my blog or write in too much detail about my friends or family’s lives. I will never write their names unless I know that it’s completely okay with them.

And 4 years since I wrote that silly letter on my website, said best-friend and I have only just completely reconciled and are in constant and completely comfortable contact again. For that, I am so supremely grateful.


Autrice DelDrago said...

Good thinking - revenge, even if it makes the immediate hurt go away - never solves the problem.

dorinny said...

I'm the same jessy. I don't ever put personal details of my friends, and I rarely refer to people I know by their first names on my blog. Also, I've written nasty things about people in the past, oh, boy, I've written some dirty stuff.. I'm talking, back in the "hoju cult" days when I was still in high school. But I guess we all make mistakes so that we can learn and grow, and it seems thats exactly what you've done ((hug))

Jessy said...

autrice -- thats right :D its harder to exercise restraint sometimes, but always better for everyone in the end.. and at the end of the day, no one wants to really become involved in your public crap between someone you apparently think of as a friend. yucky!

Dorinny! LOL i remember some of your hoju cultings.... they used to crack me up so bad and i think i was always a little starry-eyed over your ability to be so blunt about stuff hahaha, and although I still think that it's good if people are comfortable enough to do so, it's probably nicer to exercise discression about particular things? Theres stuff I used to say that I now get embarrassed when I look back on it... Even just feelings, words describing how I felt about other people and even myself and I think... "ooh goodie, I dont feel like that anymore" haha. <3 yay for our matooahness.

Chelle Y. said...

That is a great lesson to be learned. Thank you for having the humility to share it with all of us!

antonia said...

aw! I am glad you managed to make peace.

Someone once told me...

"speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

How true!

God Bless

ps - how are you feeling with your illness?

Amber said...

This is a good one. Blogging and being on line can feel like people "can't really see you". This goes to show some things we need to keep in mind. I'm happy your friend forgave you.


hundred and one said...

Great advice and I'm glad things worked out for you and your friend in the end

lisrobbe said...

I think it's wonderful you have actually become comfortable friends again. I have often struggled with what is acceptable to post on a blog when it comes to family and friends. I'd agree it was great advice. I wonder though if your friend would have been equally upset had you sent the letter via snail mail?

susanna said...

That's a hard lesson to have learned. I'm glad that your friend and you have since reconciled. Thank you for writing such an honest post.

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