Saturday, August 12, 2006

Sunday Scribblings: Who Else Can I Still Be?

I believed that I was going to be a writer. I dreamed of my books being held in the intense grasp of engrossed readers from nations afar.

But I never had enough faith in my own talent.

I wanted to be a journalist and aspired to become well-known and esteemed for the way I would write honestly, sway from shoddy tabloid sensationalism and only ever tell it like it was.

I dreamed of following on to university from high school, of having more close friends than I could count on my fingers and toes and admirers who found me attractive for the intellect that I held within my head and the way that I carried myself before much else.

But I was forced to quit high school well before that happened.

I wished to not be alone, to be confident. I wished that I could be more. I wished that I could find the strength to fix myself. I prayed to be healthy, to lead a normal life. I wanted to be more social, to find it easy to hold conversation. I wanted to have more faith, more passion, and less sadness.

I wanted to be happy.

Somewhere between a blur of a seemingly speeding clock I got lost.

Then I wanted to find myself – now or never.

I wanted to become all that I dreamed I could not.

I became a student again. I then became more.

I became faithful. I became passionate.

I became more social, and became a loyal friend.

Every single day I found myself writing, living, breathing, bleeding ink on to a page – I was already a writer.

I developed an infinite love for smaller children, thus a desire to become a teacher engulfed me.

At 22, I feel like I’ve lived my life already, but sometimes when I sit back and take stock, I realize I haven’t lived at all. There is so much more that I still want to be.

I can still travel the world.
I can still be a fancy shmancy make up artist.
I can still be the beacon of faith that will overflow in to other people.
I can still be somebody’s best friend, soul mate or loyal wife.I can still be a mother.
I can still be a teacher.

Someone taught me that being happy is only an emotion of momentary bliss, but living life, choosing to be joyful by taking the good with the bad is a lifestyle that will motivate me every single day.

It’s not too late for anything. And I can still choose joy.


Kamsin said...

This is a beautiful post, your light really shines out from it. You are right joy is a choice. Choose that and the possibilities are endless.

Jessy said...

Thank you Kamsin, thats a beautiful comment and means a lot to me =)

alyndabear said...

What a beautiful post. Yep, still young, still with dozens of possibilities.. You've got a long way to go, lady!

Jessy, I think you'll make an AMAZING teacher. =D Come team-teach with me someday..


Amber said...

I am so happy I checked out your Sunday Scribble, here! How inspiring your attitude is. And you are 100% right! You have your whole ahead of you, and many doors yet to open. Good Luck!


swampgrrl said...

What an inspiration you are with this post!
fancy schmancy is a good way to be.

Maisymac said...

Wow, how can you write such powerful stuff at the age of 22. You are amazing, be that person and enjoy. MM

Jessy said...

Alynda, Id love to tag-teach with ya one day soon. haha. Actually, I wouldn't mind doing some voluntary teacher-aid work just to be able to write it down. I have to look in to that.

Amber>> I am so happy that you checked out my SS too. Thank you for such a lovely comment.

Swampgrrl>> How very kind of you! Cant wait to be as fancy shmancy as possible =) <3 thank you!!

Maisymac>> Powerful?? Wow, how flattering!!! Thank you sooo much for your kind words. It's so very appreciated :D

FatCharlatan said...

Wow--I wish I had your confidence, passion, and ability to write like this when I was 22! Great work. I lived in Sydney for four months during my junior year of college and adored every moment. Wishing you much success on your life journey. Peace.

paris parfait said...

You're right! You're 22 and you can do any or all of those things. Just choose your favourite and get started. Good luck!

commongal said...

You're right. You can do anything.

I recommend using teaching as a way to explore the world, and doing so now rather than later. Look into "Teach for America" and ways to teach across the country and the world. Also, I recommend becoming familiar with a foreign language.

The teaching profession is also changing -- and in the cities, it can be very rough in more than one way (you can check my post, I'm leaving teaching). I recommend getting more than one license -- if you do elementary school, you might also want to learn how to teach ESL, Reading or Special Ed.

But, the RICHER you that you are spiritually, the better teacher you will be. Give to yourself so that you can give to the kids.

GreenishLady said...

Yes, Jess. All those options - and others you haven't even considered yet - are open to you. I like the progression of your thinking through the piece.

boliyou said...

Compelling thought-trail, and so much more ahead of you!

lisrobbe said...

your confidence will bring you al lthat you fell you haven't lived for and achieved and I wish you all the success in achieveing whatever you choose.

S said...

A great artist, whether a writer, singer artist, touches A person to multiple people with their work.

Through your amazing talent as a writer Jess- you have touched, moved and expressed the inner emotions of my heart and mind that i could never dream of penning to paper.
That is talent.
And at 22 people will experience your magic as a teacher, writer and good friend for a long time to come.