Sunday Scribblings: Who Else Can I Still Be?

I believed that I was going to be a writer. I dreamed of my books being held in the intense grasp of engrossed readers from nations afar.

But I never had enough faith in my own talent.

I wanted to be a journalist and aspired to become well-known and esteemed for the way I would write honestly, sway from shoddy tabloid sensationalism and only ever tell it like it was.

I dreamed of following on to university from high school, of having more close friends than I could count on my fingers and toes and admirers who found me attractive for the intellect that I held within my head and the way that I carried myself before much else.

But I was forced to quit high school well before that happened.

I wished to not be alone, to be confident. I wished that I could be more. I wished that I could find the strength to fix myself. I prayed to be healthy, to lead a normal life. I wanted to be more social, to find it easy to hold conversation. I wanted to have more faith, more passion, and less sadness.

I wanted to be happy.

Somewhere between a blur of a seemingly speeding clock I got lost.

Then I wanted to find myself – now or never.

I wanted to become all that I dreamed I could not.

I became a student again. I then became more.

I became faithful. I became passionate.

I became more social, and became a loyal friend.

Every single day I found myself writing, living, breathing, bleeding ink on to a page – I was already a writer.

I developed an infinite love for smaller children, thus a desire to become a teacher engulfed me.

At 22, I feel like I’ve lived my life already, but sometimes when I sit back and take stock, I realize I haven’t lived at all. There is so much more that I still want to be.

I can still travel the world.
I can still be a fancy shmancy make up artist.
I can still be the beacon of faith that will overflow in to other people.
I can still be somebody’s best friend, soul mate or loyal wife.I can still be a mother.
I can still be a teacher.

Someone taught me that being happy is only an emotion of momentary bliss, but living life, choosing to be joyful by taking the good with the bad is a lifestyle that will motivate me every single day.

It’s not too late for anything. And I can still choose joy.