Come and see.

The next day John was there again with two of his disciples.
When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"
When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus.
Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?" They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"
"Come," he replied, "and you will see." So they went and saw where he was staying, and spent that day with him. It was about the tenth hour.

The above scripture is one that we looked at tonight at RCIA. It was a passage that really stumped me at first. I took it very literally as always at first until I reread it through a few times and it came together.

Firstly, Jesus asks, "What do you want?" ... it's not as cut and dry as it seems. It's kind of a loaded question isn't it? "What do you want from? What are you looking for? How can I help you? Are you seeking something from me?" ...The desciples of John are clearly curious; they have questions. They want to know more about this man that everyone is referring to as "The lamb of God." -- Jesus gives them an even more loaded answer to their following question.

"Come and you will see." Sometimes in order to believe we need to see for ourselves. We don't necessarily want text book answers to questions that we have because we simply need to be shown. We need to learn our own mistakes, be given our own choices in life and take from something what we want, and see for ourselves. God gave us this choice through his only son, Jesus. He sent his dearly beloved to show us the way, to let us see God for ourselves. The desciples of John (The Baptist) took their leap of faith because they were searching, they were curious, they wanted to see for themselves. They not only had their questions answered, but they also chose to stay for the day with Jesus - and then became the first two desciples of Christ.

I look over my journey now and then and I realised that I came from such a frightening place. I wasn't as courageous at first to take the leap of faith. So many times Jesus wanted to show me the way -- so many times he was knocking at my door and I locked him out because I was too scared. I had a fear of Christ, of organised religion, of tradition and of sin that it kept me away from Him for so long. I was ashamed of my sin, my own darkness and hatred and was so self-indulgent that I knew if I let him in, I'd have to do away with all of those things upon making a promise to him.

You know, a good friend told me how normal it is to go through times of spiritual dryness, to not feel that constant "honeymoon" period with God, that it is those moments that stretch our strength and faith. I take solace in that because sometimes I find it so easy to just walk away from Him. I forget the promise that I made to Him through confirmation and baptism. I forget that He is the only one who is in control of me. He is the one who can give me the answers and show me the way without pulling out a textbook to give me the annoying text book answers that I could easily have found on my own. But thankfully I believe in a very forgiving and merciful God. I believe in a very compassionate Father who looks at me with fondness in his eyes. He feels my pain, wipes away my tears and always, always listens to me when I talk to him, even if I let my head believe that he doesn't really care. But when I'm caught in the eye of the storm, I lift my hands and my head in prayer. I tell Him everything that He already knows. I ask for His divine help, even if I'm confused and don't know how to convey it. He already knows. He touches me with His kind and healing hands. He cries with me. He comforts me. He accepts my apologies for trying to sort things out and be the master of my own destiny before I find My Way back on path, however shaky it must seem.

I have such a freedom in my heart knowing that Jesus Christ is the Truth -- all because I believe and am truly repentant from the abyss of my heart.

And like the disciples of John, I took Jesus' invitation to "Come and see"