I've got a hole in my soul

In the shape of a Michael Jackson's trademark sillohette. Thanks Oprah, for all the dramatic material that you give me to work with...

Firstly I'll start by saying something that relates to my journal. The Catholic Calandar confuses me. Immensely. I was watching an episode of F.r.i.e.n.d.s today on DVD and there was a scene with Rachel and her little sister who she was trying to get to find a job and an apartment and her sister thought it was a good idea that she started dating different types of guys ... (I.E Ross) ... and Rachel said (while trying to deter her);

"Oh! No! You don't want to try too much too soon!"

To which her sister gave her a pensive glance and nodded slowly and Rachel added out of desperation; "You know what happened to the little girl who tried too much, too soon, don't you?"

Jill, her sister shook her head no and gave a perplexed look. Rachel struggled to find something to say and finally just blurted out; "She died Jill."

And right now, I feel like the little girl who's trying too much, too soon! (And yes. I just realised that the pretty little anecdote above proves nothing to my readers except that I watch way too much TV of a daytime) I am having problems grasping everything and as a result, I get overwhelmed and think "Wow, there's so much to learn........" and I feel a bit discouraged. (It's the type of person I am.) But I'm thinking that it'll all come within time. I feel even since I began this journal I have learned so much more than I knew even just a month ago through the blogs that I read and the websites I have been given to look at. So thanks to everyone :)

Secondly. It was a stupid windy day today and it was very hot. I got sunburned which I am pleased about. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be so sunburned that my shoulders are blood blistered or anything -- just a little bit burned so it'll turn to tan. Yes, I'm one of those people with the olive skin that goes to brown rather than to bright red! The extremes we go to for vanity. I am going back to Sydney at the end of the month for a week or so cause it's Penny's 21st and my other friend bought tickets to a concert for me.

Thirdly and finally. I despise people mocking my beliefs or opinions. I respect other people and their beliefs and opinions so why can't they do the same? I also despise when someone realises how much I (or anyone else for that matter) am enjoying something and they feel that they have to remark, comment or state something very, very spiteful to ruin it.

Let me explain. It's no secret that I'm a massive fan of Michael Jackson. I have been since I was about 6 and nothing has ever changed. And so as you can imagine, I've heard it all. In fact, I was known in my 3 short years of highschool as "the Michael Jackson girl" rather than people bothering to learn my actual name (yes, high school was a real treat). Sometimes people assess you as as much of a freak as they expect that he is (which he is not). My stepfather, for instance hates Michael Jackson. I sometimes wonder how someone could bother wasting their energy on hating someone who hasn't done anything that affects them at all, but hey, that's just me....

So anyway, my Mother likes Michael Jackson if for no other reason, but because she feels sorry for him and the way he is unjustly treated. And so we always get the same tired old questions and remarks. "Don't you think he looks like a freak?" No. "How come he bleaches his skin?" ...He didn't ever bleach his skin. "Do you think he is guilty?" No, but God help those kids because thier mother is an absolute psycho. "He was better when he was black." I'm sorry, did I miss the memo about him changing his heart and soul with the estrangement of his outward skintone? "His music is crap these days." Have you even heard his music these days? Or are you just going by what every other critic says?

I've heard it all. ALL. Some people have this idiotic misconception that Michael Jackson fans are stupid. I don't agree with everything that he has done with his life. I don't really care about his cosmetic surgery or the fact that his skin tone is different (vitiligo incase you're interested is the disease that is not-so-rare, MJ suffers from it and underwent skin de-pigmentation as he lost more than 50% of his pigment). I just care about his music and the Michael Jackson that I have come to know. Almost everything that is written is such crap. He's broke, he's dying, he's "abducted" his children, blah.

So someone decided to stir the pot with me, knowing it's one of those things that I just won't shut my mouth about. So this person who shall remain nameless began to tell me just out of the blue, "I watched this thing about Michael Jackson.... what a wacko." I get defensive when anyone calls Michael a wacko or anything else, for that matter, besides Michael. I asked what made him think MJ was a wacko. It's a futile question really, I always know what's coming...

Not surprisingly, all of the above was brought up. It was all very calm, I try not to become too fan-like when people ask me about him but generally people are very open to wanting to hear my own experiences of being a fan and what the real truth is. This guy just kept being so friggin' rude though. "He's an absolute freak of nature. Oh my God, did you see the amount of make up he wore, the shades suit him!" Blahblahblah.

I said with as much sarcasm, "No but man, did you see how much money he donates each year to charities internationally? Over ten million!!! What a repugnant freak!"

Someone then stepped in to tell the moron how I had traveled to California in April to support Michael Jackson. He ripped in to me about how I could support a proven paedophile. This angered me to a point that I thought it might have been better just to walk away -- but no. I glared at him took a deep breath and explained nicely (as I could) that what was shown on the news, in the stupid gossip magazines were a vast difference to what I witnessed with my own two eyes in the courtroom (I had court passes) and that the whole damn thing was a sham. And excuse me, but Michael Jackson was NEVER ever a proven paedophile. I added that people should be very, very careful with how they label people, especially if they don't know the truth.

Basically, I explained, as it was proven repeatedly in court. The accuser, his brother, sister and mother all lied. None of their stories were consistent, each lie was torn apart and pretty much laughed at after each court day. Of course the world wanted to see the worlds most successful musician fall from fame once again, so the media basked in their spin game and no matter what Michael did/does, it was turned in to a joke. He was stressed, sick, sad, depressed, at one point, injured, and the media and general public laughed. He was stripped of his dignity, physically strip-searched, had his house torn to pieces (literally -- funnily enough the public were never privvy to that), personal items stolen, his pride was smashed and yet nothing was proved because nothing took place to begin with. In fact, so many things testified to his innocence, but why did the media never report that?

Cause it doesn't sell.

So furthermore when I mentioned that I had met Michael Jackson (twice now) the first time, and had a chat to him, he asked me and I quote...

"Why didn't you shoot him in the face while you had the f*cking chance."

What. On. Earth. Is. That?

The bigger part of me wanted just to burst in to tears because of how in-my-face, rude, harsh and arrogant this person is. And it's sad that after everything Michael Jackson has done (musically and through charity) ... it all goes unnoticed, yet Bono gets this massive world wide acclaim, respect (and rightly so. He's a good guy) but all Michael Jackson can get is a 2min spot on the 6pm news where they'll brand him a weirdo, wacko jacko, side-show freak and so on, when still, quietly, without raising flares, he's giving all he can to others- not only around him, but in 3rd world countries, in Africa, in Asia... Not only 3rd world countries, but he's also given so much to other massive charities ...I remember one of his tours in particular, half of the proceeds of an 18month tour went to a charity. That was a LOT of money. Each year he spends well over 10 million dollars on charity-- and yet, you still get jerks saying that he should be shot in the face?

Bah. Maybe I'm naive, maybe I miss the point -- so he might be a bit weird, but every encounter that my friends and I have had with Michael have always been so full of love and so kind. And regular. Nothing weird, nothing crazy or even slightly eccentric. If anything, he was shy. And there's no crime in that. At the end of the day, I'll stand up for anyone who has a heart full of love who will do anything for anyone as per request, who will bring so much joy upon the faces of thousands, and irrespective of anyone's opinions or hatred, he has done exactly that. And soldiered on, never bleeding a bad word about anyone at all (even those who have tried to bring him down), but just staying silent and finding bliss in his own little world.

People make me mad.