I’ve always been a good girl.
I never stepped out of line at home. I knew my manners, I was well-behaved, I was never rebellious, I was never too much to handle. I rarely spoke back to my parents, I always did what I was told and I never told them any lies. I went ahead and did what they thought I wanted to do. I helped out around the house, they knew where I was at all times even without having to ask.
I was good in school. I did my work, I kept to myself. Even when making friends didn’t always work, I didn’t let that disrupt the way I treated everyone else.
I grew up. I never touched drugs, I didn’t go and get myself drunk. I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. I’ve never had a one night stand – in fact, I’m still a virgin waiting for that perfect man who will marry me and treat me like I’m the woman he’s been waiting for his entire life.
Some call that deluded, I still try to talk myself in to thinking it’s just me being good. :)
I bet those are all things that would make my parents proud. And sure, they make me ‘good’, but not great.
I became a Catholic almost two years ago. And I learned that it takes more than sitting upon a moral high-horse, sneering down my nose at others to make me someone who is right in the eyes of God.
I know that it takes humility, humbleness of the heart, purity, honesty and love for everyone, not just the people that I like. Being great or righteous in the eyes of God means tolerance and acceptance of everyone and to treat others as I would like to be treated – all of these things that I lack on a very day-to-day basis.
All through my life I have settled for what is good-enough. In terms of how I’d let people treat me, in terms of self-validation, boyfriends and more.
I don’t want to ever be just ‘good enough’ in the eyes of another person or in the eyes of the Lord.
I don’t even want to good anymore.
I want to be great.