Today sucked so much.
I hate bad days. I am having probs with something that I've been working on and I somehow managed to be hit with the worlds worst migrane. I have an interview first thing tomorrow morning which I'm really nervous about. (It's not a job interview.)
Blah. :( I am going to shut my curtains and lay down in bed for a little while until this stupid little man smashing my temples with his hammer goes away.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Cover on my heart...
Everyday feels all the same, 9 to 5 gets so mundane
But something breaks with just one glimpse of you...
I would stare so long awhile, trying to tell you with my eyes.
I didn't say a thing, I thought you knew.
I wish I never did assume.
I was gonna tell you today, I even wrote the words I would say
I finally found the courage but now its too far
It took me all this time to reveal
What everything about you does to me
So why did I keep a cover on my heart?
Spent all night trying to explore
Just how I'd tell you I adore you
And how I'm moved by every word you say.
But today there's an empty space,
I found you've gone without a trace.
I wish I could have told you yesterday,
Maybe then you would have stayed.
It feels like my point of existence
has vanished with you in the distance.
Whatever it takes I'll persist, till I see your face again.
But something breaks with just one glimpse of you...
I would stare so long awhile, trying to tell you with my eyes.
I didn't say a thing, I thought you knew.
I wish I never did assume.
I was gonna tell you today, I even wrote the words I would say
I finally found the courage but now its too far
It took me all this time to reveal
What everything about you does to me
So why did I keep a cover on my heart?
Spent all night trying to explore
Just how I'd tell you I adore you
And how I'm moved by every word you say.
But today there's an empty space,
I found you've gone without a trace.
I wish I could have told you yesterday,
Maybe then you would have stayed.
It feels like my point of existence
has vanished with you in the distance.
Whatever it takes I'll persist, till I see your face again.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Blog video. Good times.
Hey everyone...
I've had a pretty emotionally charged few days. Anyway, I felt a bit happier last night so I made the following video message. I figured I'd do something a bit different.
That's all I have to share for today. I'm not feeling the best so I'm going to lay down for a bit. I didn't sleep enough. Wah.
I've had a pretty emotionally charged few days. Anyway, I felt a bit happier last night so I made the following video message. I figured I'd do something a bit different.
That's all I have to share for today. I'm not feeling the best so I'm going to lay down for a bit. I didn't sleep enough. Wah.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Cat cruelty.
Okay, so even though I have my very own kitty.... I'm not at all a cat person. I don't like them generally, I think they're mostly ugly unless they're small kittens or they have a lot of attitude and pizazz... I happen to think my cat has both attitude and pizazz.
Some idiot, a person who shall remain nameless took it upon themselves today, in a fit of rage to pick up my beautiful little Thomas Anderson by the scruff of the neck and threw him with force. I was rendered speechless and my mouth fell open in shock and I made sure my cat was okay... He seemed to be and I went off to take a moment to recompose myself.
I went out to check on Thomas Anderson a little bit later (about 15 min) and I found him all snuggled in the computer chair. He's not a very affectionate cat and doesn't like to be picked up or held or even patted. He doesn't sit in laps, he's very much his own person. But he sat in my lap for a little while and let me pat him and I knew he was sad :( I took him in to my bedroom which he usually hates but he laid right down on my carpet and went to sleep. I noticed that his eye was a bit funny. It was wonky... like, half-closed... and when he opened it for me to see (without struggle btw, which is rare) it was weepy.
I was so fuming mad that as soon as my Mum got home from work, I relayed the story. She, also fuming mad when to the cat-basher and told it off. Cat basher justified itself by saying, "I only lifted him off..." BULL SHIT! BULL SHIT! BULL SHIT!
Now, cat-basher, never in a million years would treat any of the dogs in this same way -- in fact most people who hate cats would never treat any other animal the same way they treat cats. Why do people think its okay to be cruel to them?? I've seen so many people engage in all kinds of cat cruelty. It makes me so freaking angry. Now, at the end of the day, I know cat-basher didn't mean to hurt him, and it came from a impulse and cat-basher was probably supremely upset that Thomas is hurt, but you know what dude??? Next time, stay the freakin hell away from my cat.
Some idiot, a person who shall remain nameless took it upon themselves today, in a fit of rage to pick up my beautiful little Thomas Anderson by the scruff of the neck and threw him with force. I was rendered speechless and my mouth fell open in shock and I made sure my cat was okay... He seemed to be and I went off to take a moment to recompose myself.
I went out to check on Thomas Anderson a little bit later (about 15 min) and I found him all snuggled in the computer chair. He's not a very affectionate cat and doesn't like to be picked up or held or even patted. He doesn't sit in laps, he's very much his own person. But he sat in my lap for a little while and let me pat him and I knew he was sad :( I took him in to my bedroom which he usually hates but he laid right down on my carpet and went to sleep. I noticed that his eye was a bit funny. It was wonky... like, half-closed... and when he opened it for me to see (without struggle btw, which is rare) it was weepy.
I was so fuming mad that as soon as my Mum got home from work, I relayed the story. She, also fuming mad when to the cat-basher and told it off. Cat basher justified itself by saying, "I only lifted him off..." BULL SHIT! BULL SHIT! BULL SHIT!
Now, cat-basher, never in a million years would treat any of the dogs in this same way -- in fact most people who hate cats would never treat any other animal the same way they treat cats. Why do people think its okay to be cruel to them?? I've seen so many people engage in all kinds of cat cruelty. It makes me so freaking angry. Now, at the end of the day, I know cat-basher didn't mean to hurt him, and it came from a impulse and cat-basher was probably supremely upset that Thomas is hurt, but you know what dude??? Next time, stay the freakin hell away from my cat.
Monday, October 23, 2006
I have a virus.
My computer has got the worst virus in the world-- well actually, that's probably a vast over-exaggeration because if it was the worst virus in the world, I doubt I'd be able to blog at all. I'm in the process of switching all of my things from this stupid crap computer to my Mum's laptop.
I really am in dire need of a new computer and about 600 other things. I have written out a beautiful list of priorities and things that I need to budget for that include debts, bills and fun stuff. I'm proud of my job searching -- tomorrow I'm going to head down to a recruitment agency and put my resume in and follow up a few other places. It is so hard to get work here, but I really want to find something soon. I want to start saving before Christmas and I want to start paving the web design business.
I thoroughly enjoyed Mass today -- it was funny because last night Val and I had been talking about something that the priest touched on during his Homily. It was a good service. I was sitting beside a little girl who was going to be baptised after the Mass. She was so beautiful in her pretty pink dress and she seemed really excited.
I hear my not-so-good friend, N. is being baptised and confirmed next week. (I thought I was a major flake out when it came to my friends, but this person has stood me up time and time again... grrr) I will give her a call for good luck and prayer through the week. :) How exiciting for her.
Anyhow, it's almost 1am and I have to go reformat my computer and go to sleep. Not necessarily (but probably) in that order.
Oh also -- my Mum got herself a stupid new phone and I don't really understand the finer details, but she got a free phone with it... so now I have a new mobile phone and it's so pretty. It's a Motorola Razor V3 -- but I hear people have heaps of probs with them... but the only problem I have with it, is that I can't use my Michael Jackson ring tone anymore (I was using The Way You Make Me Feel) or my MJ talking "SMS" tone .... Ah well, I'll see what happens. It's so pretty and finally I can do MMS again! =)
Goodnight.
x
I really am in dire need of a new computer and about 600 other things. I have written out a beautiful list of priorities and things that I need to budget for that include debts, bills and fun stuff. I'm proud of my job searching -- tomorrow I'm going to head down to a recruitment agency and put my resume in and follow up a few other places. It is so hard to get work here, but I really want to find something soon. I want to start saving before Christmas and I want to start paving the web design business.
I thoroughly enjoyed Mass today -- it was funny because last night Val and I had been talking about something that the priest touched on during his Homily. It was a good service. I was sitting beside a little girl who was going to be baptised after the Mass. She was so beautiful in her pretty pink dress and she seemed really excited.
I hear my not-so-good friend, N. is being baptised and confirmed next week. (I thought I was a major flake out when it came to my friends, but this person has stood me up time and time again... grrr) I will give her a call for good luck and prayer through the week. :) How exiciting for her.
Anyhow, it's almost 1am and I have to go reformat my computer and go to sleep. Not necessarily (but probably) in that order.
Oh also -- my Mum got herself a stupid new phone and I don't really understand the finer details, but she got a free phone with it... so now I have a new mobile phone and it's so pretty. It's a Motorola Razor V3 -- but I hear people have heaps of probs with them... but the only problem I have with it, is that I can't use my Michael Jackson ring tone anymore (I was using The Way You Make Me Feel) or my MJ talking "SMS" tone .... Ah well, I'll see what happens. It's so pretty and finally I can do MMS again! =)
Goodnight.
x
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Sunday Scribblings: #30 -- Good
I’ve always been a good girl.
I never stepped out of line at home. I knew my manners, I was well-behaved, I was never rebellious, I was never too much to handle. I rarely spoke back to my parents, I always did what I was told and I never told them any lies. I went ahead and did what they thought I wanted to do. I helped out around the house, they knew where I was at all times even without having to ask.
I was good in school. I did my work, I kept to myself. Even when making friends didn’t always work, I didn’t let that disrupt the way I treated everyone else.
I grew up. I never touched drugs, I didn’t go and get myself drunk. I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. I’ve never had a one night stand – in fact, I’m still a virgin waiting for that perfect man who will marry me and treat me like I’m the woman he’s been waiting for his entire life.
Some call that deluded, I still try to talk myself in to thinking it’s just me being good. :)
I bet those are all things that would make my parents proud. And sure, they make me ‘good’, but not great.
I became a Catholic almost two years ago. And I learned that it takes more than sitting upon a moral high-horse, sneering down my nose at others to make me someone who is right in the eyes of God.
I know that it takes humility, humbleness of the heart, purity, honesty and love for everyone, not just the people that I like. Being great or righteous in the eyes of God means tolerance and acceptance of everyone and to treat others as I would like to be treated – all of these things that I lack on a very day-to-day basis.
All through my life I have settled for what is good-enough. In terms of how I’d let people treat me, in terms of self-validation, boyfriends and more.
I don’t want to ever be just ‘good enough’ in the eyes of another person or in the eyes of the Lord.
I don’t even want to good anymore.
I want to be great.
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com
I never stepped out of line at home. I knew my manners, I was well-behaved, I was never rebellious, I was never too much to handle. I rarely spoke back to my parents, I always did what I was told and I never told them any lies. I went ahead and did what they thought I wanted to do. I helped out around the house, they knew where I was at all times even without having to ask.
I was good in school. I did my work, I kept to myself. Even when making friends didn’t always work, I didn’t let that disrupt the way I treated everyone else.
I grew up. I never touched drugs, I didn’t go and get myself drunk. I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. I’ve never had a one night stand – in fact, I’m still a virgin waiting for that perfect man who will marry me and treat me like I’m the woman he’s been waiting for his entire life.
Some call that deluded, I still try to talk myself in to thinking it’s just me being good. :)
I bet those are all things that would make my parents proud. And sure, they make me ‘good’, but not great.
I became a Catholic almost two years ago. And I learned that it takes more than sitting upon a moral high-horse, sneering down my nose at others to make me someone who is right in the eyes of God.
I know that it takes humility, humbleness of the heart, purity, honesty and love for everyone, not just the people that I like. Being great or righteous in the eyes of God means tolerance and acceptance of everyone and to treat others as I would like to be treated – all of these things that I lack on a very day-to-day basis.
All through my life I have settled for what is good-enough. In terms of how I’d let people treat me, in terms of self-validation, boyfriends and more.
I don’t want to ever be just ‘good enough’ in the eyes of another person or in the eyes of the Lord.
I don’t even want to good anymore.
I want to be great.
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com
Friday, October 20, 2006
Hello again out there...
I haven't blogged in a bit because I've honestly had nothing really to talk about ... I miss my friends, I miss Sydney. I wish I had of spent my birthday there, but oh well. Family dramas ahoy, everyone's arguing -- its starting to come between my Dad and his partner ... blah.
My birthday was nice. I went out with my friends to a restaurant and I received some nice gifts and I spent the night at a friends house and she has the sweetest puppy you ever did see.
Someone that I used to be really into (before he broke my heart by standing me up on my 21st birthday by promising he'd come to my party and just not turning up lol) msged me. Even though I am still kind of hurt by him, I still kind of jumped at the opportunity for contact again. It turned in to this big thing, and I just want to kick him in the unmentionables all over again. I can't stand mind games... I guess it's partly why I go out of my way not to bother with the opposite sex and everyone that I have been interested in, my interest is based on the fact that nothing will ever materialise because they are safe interests -- always unattainable and there's safety in the idea that I won't ever get hurt. (It hurts much less to know that something won't work out, than jumping in head first and getting rejected)
Thanks so much to the following for their the birthday msgs; Alynda, Dorinny, Valan, Mel Antonia, Carmel and Dave.
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14,15).
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless". -Mother Teresa
God Bless.
My birthday was nice. I went out with my friends to a restaurant and I received some nice gifts and I spent the night at a friends house and she has the sweetest puppy you ever did see.
Someone that I used to be really into (before he broke my heart by standing me up on my 21st birthday by promising he'd come to my party and just not turning up lol) msged me. Even though I am still kind of hurt by him, I still kind of jumped at the opportunity for contact again. It turned in to this big thing, and I just want to kick him in the unmentionables all over again. I can't stand mind games... I guess it's partly why I go out of my way not to bother with the opposite sex and everyone that I have been interested in, my interest is based on the fact that nothing will ever materialise because they are safe interests -- always unattainable and there's safety in the idea that I won't ever get hurt. (It hurts much less to know that something won't work out, than jumping in head first and getting rejected)
Thanks so much to the following for their the birthday msgs; Alynda, Dorinny, Valan, Mel Antonia, Carmel and Dave.
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14,15).
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless". -Mother Teresa
God Bless.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
23 Today
I'm 23 years old today.
:)
I haven't left my room yet this morning except to go warm the living room up (freezing here) but I had a great night last night -- report later. Also, I talked to Valan last night and she sent me the most beautiful card in the entire world. :)
I'll write more later.
xoxo
Jess
:)
I haven't left my room yet this morning except to go warm the living room up (freezing here) but I had a great night last night -- report later. Also, I talked to Valan last night and she sent me the most beautiful card in the entire world. :)
I'll write more later.
xoxo
Jess
Friday, October 13, 2006
I couldn't stay....
My blog is pretty dead. I hate it now that I screwed it up by going to stupid beta blogger. Ruined my entire blogger experience. I'm going to write to blogger and tell them that letting google/yahoo buy them out was the most idiotic thing they've ever done.
Well... I'll threaten to, but we all know I'd be too lazy to get around to it.
I've had a lot of problems sleeping again -- well, not entirely true. I've had no problem sleeping, just getting to bed. I've been thinking about a lot of things and I have heaps of worries at the moment and they might just be mundane things... and then when I think of things that are happening on a larger scale, I realise how insignificant my own problems are.
North Korea? ... scary. Whenever stuff was going on in the middle East, I would say things like "Wow, that's terrible" and secretly I'd be glad that I was so far away ... but Australia is pretty close to all of this mess. Bush is nuts, The president of North Korea is nuts, our prime minister is Bush's personal ass kisser ... I'm pretty worried about all of that... I guess all we can do is pray that the situation doesn't get out of hand -- only I keep thinking back to Revelations in the New Testament and I keep reminding myself that these are the times that we have to be strong in Faith and never succumb to temptations and sin because it all counts.
And gosh, I've been a pretty lazy Christian lately. I hate even admitting it, but it's true... I go through this all the time. Just a regular test of faith... I need to be hearing sound words of God more often. I haven't been to Mass in a little bit due to car reasons, but now that I have my car back I'm starting to attend scripture meetings on wednesday afternoons and church on wednesday night and can go to Mass whenever I want without having to plan who will have the car and so on. I think once I'm back in the swing of things, I'll feel better, and am hearing God's word, I won't be as lazy and my motives will be inspired more.
I had a pretty big argument with a bible Christian on a Michael Jackson forum the other day cos she had her history wrong. She said that Martin Luther formed his own religion before Catholicism lol. It was absolutely absurd... We had a heated discussion back and forth and it's funny cos I felt really empowered with knowledge that I'd learned from my Catholic friends through this blog and through other Catholic friends in real/l. In the end, when she felt like she couldn't argue anymore she kept telling me to refer to my bible. I found her heaps of references to purgatory and also gave her examples as to why Catholics believe Catholicism was the first and only religion that Christ began -- and she tried to tell me that I was getting my info from a Catholic bible which apparently she KNEW FOR A FACT (lol) had been changed ... however, I knew she was going to say that -- so I used my references from the bible that I bought from a pentecostal church........and that was the end of that haha. I don't like it when people try to tell you youre wrong but they can't tell you why. Don't start something if you can't support it!
Anyway ... I'm really excited about this weekend cos I'm going to see Sharidan, Caro and my friend Leigh and her husband for my birthday. We're going to this Thai restaurant that looks so yummy and then for "drinks" (however, given my track record, I'll be staying right away from anything alcoholic)
I'm sorry if I haven't commented much on peoples blogs -- I have been reading, but this stupid new blogger beta requires me to keep leaving your blogs to login, comment, and then post ... and if I go to another blog... the same thing.
Grr... I dont know what to do. DOWN WITH BLOGGER BETA!!!!!!!!
Well... I'll threaten to, but we all know I'd be too lazy to get around to it.
I've had a lot of problems sleeping again -- well, not entirely true. I've had no problem sleeping, just getting to bed. I've been thinking about a lot of things and I have heaps of worries at the moment and they might just be mundane things... and then when I think of things that are happening on a larger scale, I realise how insignificant my own problems are.
North Korea? ... scary. Whenever stuff was going on in the middle East, I would say things like "Wow, that's terrible" and secretly I'd be glad that I was so far away ... but Australia is pretty close to all of this mess. Bush is nuts, The president of North Korea is nuts, our prime minister is Bush's personal ass kisser ... I'm pretty worried about all of that... I guess all we can do is pray that the situation doesn't get out of hand -- only I keep thinking back to Revelations in the New Testament and I keep reminding myself that these are the times that we have to be strong in Faith and never succumb to temptations and sin because it all counts.
And gosh, I've been a pretty lazy Christian lately. I hate even admitting it, but it's true... I go through this all the time. Just a regular test of faith... I need to be hearing sound words of God more often. I haven't been to Mass in a little bit due to car reasons, but now that I have my car back I'm starting to attend scripture meetings on wednesday afternoons and church on wednesday night and can go to Mass whenever I want without having to plan who will have the car and so on. I think once I'm back in the swing of things, I'll feel better, and am hearing God's word, I won't be as lazy and my motives will be inspired more.
I had a pretty big argument with a bible Christian on a Michael Jackson forum the other day cos she had her history wrong. She said that Martin Luther formed his own religion before Catholicism lol. It was absolutely absurd... We had a heated discussion back and forth and it's funny cos I felt really empowered with knowledge that I'd learned from my Catholic friends through this blog and through other Catholic friends in real/l. In the end, when she felt like she couldn't argue anymore she kept telling me to refer to my bible. I found her heaps of references to purgatory and also gave her examples as to why Catholics believe Catholicism was the first and only religion that Christ began -- and she tried to tell me that I was getting my info from a Catholic bible which apparently she KNEW FOR A FACT (lol) had been changed ... however, I knew she was going to say that -- so I used my references from the bible that I bought from a pentecostal church........and that was the end of that haha. I don't like it when people try to tell you youre wrong but they can't tell you why. Don't start something if you can't support it!
Anyway ... I'm really excited about this weekend cos I'm going to see Sharidan, Caro and my friend Leigh and her husband for my birthday. We're going to this Thai restaurant that looks so yummy and then for "drinks" (however, given my track record, I'll be staying right away from anything alcoholic)
I'm sorry if I haven't commented much on peoples blogs -- I have been reading, but this stupid new blogger beta requires me to keep leaving your blogs to login, comment, and then post ... and if I go to another blog... the same thing.
Grr... I dont know what to do. DOWN WITH BLOGGER BETA!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
How irritating....
This morning I wrote this really long post about what a hypocrite Elisabeth Hasselbeck is, as is every other conservative Christian who holds the same senseless opinions as she does. Perhaps it was God's way of telling me that it was too controversial, lol. I did have lots of facts and research to support my own arguments. Mostly it was about how some conservative Americans twist and turn the second amendment of the U.S constitution to suit themselves so they can have guns and as a result hold the highest gun-related-death statistic in the world. It's sick, really.
But, I guess that's another debate for another day.
It's been a really stressful week with a lot of tears and I only hope that this week will be a lot better. I need to smile a lot this week and I really hope that I have a good time this weekend. Now that I'll have my car back, I think I'm going to go to the city and hang out with a couple of my friends and then watch copious episodes of Gilmore Girls with Sharidan -- or something like that.
It's midnight now and I am working in the morning and have an appointment at Victoria Roads straight after, so I need to go and gather all of my things and then get ready for bed. So tired.
God Bless,
Jess
But, I guess that's another debate for another day.
It's been a really stressful week with a lot of tears and I only hope that this week will be a lot better. I need to smile a lot this week and I really hope that I have a good time this weekend. Now that I'll have my car back, I think I'm going to go to the city and hang out with a couple of my friends and then watch copious episodes of Gilmore Girls with Sharidan -- or something like that.
It's midnight now and I am working in the morning and have an appointment at Victoria Roads straight after, so I need to go and gather all of my things and then get ready for bed. So tired.
"When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, no one is likely to die for a good person, though someone might be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." (Romans 5:6-8)
God Bless,
Jess
Friday, October 06, 2006
A sigh of relief.
My sister in law called me again today. We had a good talk, a less stressed one without tears and worry. At least no matter what I know I'll always keep her as someone that I've grown to know and love as part of my family.
The mechanic called yesterday afternoon about my car. He quoted me from $1300 - $1400... so when he called I was kind of freaking out a bit since I only had $1150 in my account ... but after he went through what he'd fixed he said, "I've knocked some of the price down for you..." and I thanked him and said, "So what's the damage?" and he said, "$1081. But if you leave the car with me overnight I'll do another check for any oil leaks..." And he also got it checked and passed for registration and it passed for a complete roadworthy check.
$250 less than I expected!!! ... So then, I call the road services here to find out what car registration will cost me, and I found out I can pay bi yearly at $120! SCORE!!! I thought it was gonna cost heaps more. THEN I called around to a couple of insurance places so I could get some comprehensive insurance and one company was $43 per month or just over $400 for the year.
I know it seems like a lot of money with all those small numbers being thrown around, but I know it'll be okay cos my savings at the moment will cover most of it. My dad is going to be giving me money for my birthday and it will help me just a bit, plus if I ever get paid for this web design job and another that I'm working on right now I will be right... Also with my car the chances of finding a better job are maximised which really excites me :)
So even though my family is being shoved around and tried a bit at the moment, everything else for me seems to be going well if I just try to have faith that the rest will work out in time.
It will be SO GOOD to have my car back!!!!!!! I can go out and hang out with my friends and not have to feel so restrained. Argh!
:)
The mechanic called yesterday afternoon about my car. He quoted me from $1300 - $1400... so when he called I was kind of freaking out a bit since I only had $1150 in my account ... but after he went through what he'd fixed he said, "I've knocked some of the price down for you..." and I thanked him and said, "So what's the damage?" and he said, "$1081. But if you leave the car with me overnight I'll do another check for any oil leaks..." And he also got it checked and passed for registration and it passed for a complete roadworthy check.
$250 less than I expected!!! ... So then, I call the road services here to find out what car registration will cost me, and I found out I can pay bi yearly at $120! SCORE!!! I thought it was gonna cost heaps more. THEN I called around to a couple of insurance places so I could get some comprehensive insurance and one company was $43 per month or just over $400 for the year.
I know it seems like a lot of money with all those small numbers being thrown around, but I know it'll be okay cos my savings at the moment will cover most of it. My dad is going to be giving me money for my birthday and it will help me just a bit, plus if I ever get paid for this web design job and another that I'm working on right now I will be right... Also with my car the chances of finding a better job are maximised which really excites me :)
So even though my family is being shoved around and tried a bit at the moment, everything else for me seems to be going well if I just try to have faith that the rest will work out in time.
It will be SO GOOD to have my car back!!!!!!! I can go out and hang out with my friends and not have to feel so restrained. Argh!
:)
Oh the tangled web...
I hate the new blogger beta and I can't revert back which really pisses me off.
And secondly, remember where I talked about finding out some stuff while I was visiting my family in July? Things that I didn't necessarily want to know, but was told? Well, it's all come crashing down in the most incomprehensible way. Someone within my family has a really hideous addiction that's ruining his entire life. His relationships, his finances, his health, his ability to function as a civilised human...
I finally decided tonight after finding out further that it's spiraled out of absolute control, that it was time to tell my Dad.
There's a good chance tomorrow I'm going to regret posting this, but I'm so stressed out and devastated right now that I need to just get it off my chest. I need prayers and I need them big time. This is something that's going to take a really long time to get through. It just seems like constantly building bridges... struggle after struggle with this person.
I feel angry and upset, empathetic, furious, sad ... I don't know... It's something that I just need to give to God in the most whole-hearted way and let him help us.
On another note, Dads gf is going for radiation therapy in Nov. They told her it's just precautionary and that everything is ok for now. Let's hope to God that it stays that way. She seemed like she was in okay spirits (ill bet all that changed after the conversation I had with my Dad.) So now that I've upset each member of my family that matters, I'm going to go to bed and talk to someone who always listens to me... even when I don't know it.
As a famous man once said, money is the root of all evil. Grrr
And secondly, remember where I talked about finding out some stuff while I was visiting my family in July? Things that I didn't necessarily want to know, but was told? Well, it's all come crashing down in the most incomprehensible way. Someone within my family has a really hideous addiction that's ruining his entire life. His relationships, his finances, his health, his ability to function as a civilised human...
I finally decided tonight after finding out further that it's spiraled out of absolute control, that it was time to tell my Dad.
There's a good chance tomorrow I'm going to regret posting this, but I'm so stressed out and devastated right now that I need to just get it off my chest. I need prayers and I need them big time. This is something that's going to take a really long time to get through. It just seems like constantly building bridges... struggle after struggle with this person.
I feel angry and upset, empathetic, furious, sad ... I don't know... It's something that I just need to give to God in the most whole-hearted way and let him help us.
On another note, Dads gf is going for radiation therapy in Nov. They told her it's just precautionary and that everything is ok for now. Let's hope to God that it stays that way. She seemed like she was in okay spirits (ill bet all that changed after the conversation I had with my Dad.) So now that I've upset each member of my family that matters, I'm going to go to bed and talk to someone who always listens to me... even when I don't know it.
As a famous man once said, money is the root of all evil. Grrr
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Here's a bit of advice
Don't change over to blogger beta cos its super gay. And it changed my profile settings so that my full name was showing including my real surname and that pissed me off cos it's not like I don't attract enough psychos without my full name being displayed on the internet. Jeez...
Good news. Despite the fact that my face is infected with sinus, the rest of me is doing okay. I'm just blowing my nose a lot and my eyes are kind watery and sensitive to bright light lol. Damn sinus.
Bad news. Someone still hasn't paid me for a web design job I completed over 2 weeks ago and I hate being blunt and saying, "pay me please." I always do it in a round-a-bout, "Uhm, I'm sorry to bother you but, I haven't received payment yet, I was wondering if there was some problem?"
More bad news. I think Sydney is off unless my Mum springs it on me that we can go a few days before my birthday -- which would suck cos I cant just turn up to Sydney and expect everyone to just have no plans and change everything cos I'm there...
Good news. I'm starting to write out a business plan. Me. Yes me! A business plan. Goals and things for what I want to do with my little business project. I think this is where I will need the assistence of some of my friends. I have a couple of friends who are very business smart and there are certain things that I really don't understand (being hideous with numbers, tax talk and all of that) but I have a few other things to sort out before I dive in to that. I want to be a bit more secure with money so maybe it's something that I'll step in to fully after the next month or so.
Good news. I'll get my car back very soon. Bad news, in order to pay for everything pertaining to car I'll need more money. Tyres, rego, licence renewal, road service fee. Grr stupid expensive car -- but as a result I'll be free! FREE!!!! (until the price of petrol kills me!)
I'm a little bit annoyed with my Dad cos I mentioned that I might be coming to Sydney and I really miss him and its my main reason for wanting to go. I said, "Hey, I might be coming to Sydney" sort of... expecting him to say, "Oh great, we'll have to make some plans." or .. something. But he just interrupted me and said, "Oh... well if you come up make sure you pick up your boxes of shit (yes he used the word shit) that are in the garage cos if you don't and someone buys the house, I'll be throwing them..." ... nice.
Sometimes I get really mad at my family because I feel like it's always out of sight and out of mind. My brother never contacts me unless I contact him first (and even then sometimes he rarely replies) my sister-in-law hasn't responded to any of my txts for awhile now. My Dad acts like that ... and when I am not with my Mum she acts like she has no interest in hearing/talking seeing me. And they all moan and complain about how our family never makes the effort and no one seems to care about anyone... Well I just find that to be a little bit rich.
Anyhoo, I'm off to go make early lunch and get started on some stuff.
God Bless,
Jess
Good news. Despite the fact that my face is infected with sinus, the rest of me is doing okay. I'm just blowing my nose a lot and my eyes are kind watery and sensitive to bright light lol. Damn sinus.
Bad news. Someone still hasn't paid me for a web design job I completed over 2 weeks ago and I hate being blunt and saying, "pay me please." I always do it in a round-a-bout, "Uhm, I'm sorry to bother you but, I haven't received payment yet, I was wondering if there was some problem?"
More bad news. I think Sydney is off unless my Mum springs it on me that we can go a few days before my birthday -- which would suck cos I cant just turn up to Sydney and expect everyone to just have no plans and change everything cos I'm there...
Good news. I'm starting to write out a business plan. Me. Yes me! A business plan. Goals and things for what I want to do with my little business project. I think this is where I will need the assistence of some of my friends. I have a couple of friends who are very business smart and there are certain things that I really don't understand (being hideous with numbers, tax talk and all of that) but I have a few other things to sort out before I dive in to that. I want to be a bit more secure with money so maybe it's something that I'll step in to fully after the next month or so.
Good news. I'll get my car back very soon. Bad news, in order to pay for everything pertaining to car I'll need more money. Tyres, rego, licence renewal, road service fee. Grr stupid expensive car -- but as a result I'll be free! FREE!!!! (until the price of petrol kills me!)
I'm a little bit annoyed with my Dad cos I mentioned that I might be coming to Sydney and I really miss him and its my main reason for wanting to go. I said, "Hey, I might be coming to Sydney" sort of... expecting him to say, "Oh great, we'll have to make some plans." or .. something. But he just interrupted me and said, "Oh... well if you come up make sure you pick up your boxes of shit (yes he used the word shit) that are in the garage cos if you don't and someone buys the house, I'll be throwing them..." ... nice.
Sometimes I get really mad at my family because I feel like it's always out of sight and out of mind. My brother never contacts me unless I contact him first (and even then sometimes he rarely replies) my sister-in-law hasn't responded to any of my txts for awhile now. My Dad acts like that ... and when I am not with my Mum she acts like she has no interest in hearing/talking seeing me. And they all moan and complain about how our family never makes the effort and no one seems to care about anyone... Well I just find that to be a little bit rich.
Anyhoo, I'm off to go make early lunch and get started on some stuff.
God Bless,
Jess
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Some kind of sick twisted joke!
This has got to be some kind of sick and twisted joke. More than anything, I am deeply amused. If I wasn't so amused I'd be feeling pretty freaking miserable.
I AM SICK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not kidding. Yesterday around lunch time my nose started getting sniffly. It began to burn which happens when I'm getting the makings of sinus. I thought maybe it was cos I've had a few nose bleeds over the past week (on wednesday I had a really bad one after I got home but I think that was the heat) that my nose was being really sensitive. Oh no. I went to bed feeling really congested. Now I have a nice little cough back (for real, I only just got rid of it like a week ago!), a scratchy throat and THE WORST SINUS IVE HAD IN SO LONG!!!!!1111
I've had so much time off work in the past few weeks that I don't want to have another day off so I'm going in anyway tomorrow and hope to God I wake up in the morning feeling better. This is actually some sick joke lol. I had my weekend all planned out timewise, what I'd be doing and all that stuff -- but as it happened I spent most of today in bed trying to sleep. (It's the only way to go when you're all blocked in the head).
I figure I'll wake up early. Have a shower to fix my swollen sinus up and stay at work for the morning and leave around lunch if I don't feel very well. I have a friend coming in to pick up a DVD from me so I need to be there. Gosh, I really hope it's not going to be a busy day.
And just so you all know ... :P ... it's 14 days til my birthday as of today (13 sleeps!) hehe I'll be 23. Can you believe it?! What I've decided is that ... I'm not actually turning the year .... but don't get me wrong, I don't want to be rude, therefore, I'm still accepting the gifts :P
I hope I can get to Sydney after all.
I AM SICK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not kidding. Yesterday around lunch time my nose started getting sniffly. It began to burn which happens when I'm getting the makings of sinus. I thought maybe it was cos I've had a few nose bleeds over the past week (on wednesday I had a really bad one after I got home but I think that was the heat) that my nose was being really sensitive. Oh no. I went to bed feeling really congested. Now I have a nice little cough back (for real, I only just got rid of it like a week ago!), a scratchy throat and THE WORST SINUS IVE HAD IN SO LONG!!!!!1111
I've had so much time off work in the past few weeks that I don't want to have another day off so I'm going in anyway tomorrow and hope to God I wake up in the morning feeling better. This is actually some sick joke lol. I had my weekend all planned out timewise, what I'd be doing and all that stuff -- but as it happened I spent most of today in bed trying to sleep. (It's the only way to go when you're all blocked in the head).
I figure I'll wake up early. Have a shower to fix my swollen sinus up and stay at work for the morning and leave around lunch if I don't feel very well. I have a friend coming in to pick up a DVD from me so I need to be there. Gosh, I really hope it's not going to be a busy day.
And just so you all know ... :P ... it's 14 days til my birthday as of today (13 sleeps!) hehe I'll be 23. Can you believe it?! What I've decided is that ... I'm not actually turning the year .... but don't get me wrong, I don't want to be rude, therefore, I'm still accepting the gifts :P
I hope I can get to Sydney after all.
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