a blog before bed

I just wanted to say that I'm back from Sydney. It was possibly the shortest trip ever. We arrived late sunday night. I fell asleep as immediate as arriving at my aunts. I ate a quick chinese dinner with my Mum at our favourite chinese restaurant and whinged with her about the "progress" that west Sydney is making (It's looking like such a dive these days, seriously. Worse than before.) I saw my brother on monday night and the least said about that the better.

I will say this. I have completely given up trying to understand him or trying to fit myself in to his life, or forcing myself in to his heart. I am also devastated for my Mum who he treats as if isn't even his mother. I'm dissappointed with him as a person. I can't believe the crap he's put everyone through and I'm just tired of hoping and praying for things to change.

Anyway, I started feeling sick on monday during the day, so I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon until I went to the brothers place. I had expected to stay at least til saturday (hoped anyway) so I could see more of my friends, but Mum got a call on monday saying she had to work wednesday. Tuesday I had to see my G.P because of all the afforementioned reasons.

I got in to big trouble from my GP for not seeing any specialists in the past 24 months. (Yes, I grew really careless last yr and the yr before. My only defense is that they were both really stressful and upsetting yrs and I didn't want any extra upset which specialists always seem to cause) so basically, I got a lecture, got told to pull my socks up if I want to keep my health in check. And I got referred to a new cardiologist, respirtory physician, uerologist, gastrologist and finally, praise God, this VERY RELIABLE AND TRUSTED GP THAT IVE HAD FOR 23 YEARS gave me some REAL antibiotics for my skin. Normally I am against taking antibiotics willy nilly but I have tried everything on my face and I'm really scared of scarring. I have enough scars on my friggin body, I don't want them on my face too and so I am so excited to go and start the course of antibiotics and see how I go.

I know that when I was taking antibiotics back in september for my virus my face cleared right up. So, hopefully this will work the same. Meanwhile she also gave me a topical antibiotic (eryacne) so hopefully both will work great together. Heres to a clean face. She also wrote out a 5 paged letter very clearly stating all my illnesses and what the long term effects are and how it will continue to affect my life in the short-term. I hope it will help with everything.

Tuesday I had to have a few tests and stuff and felt even crappier and realised I'm coming down with something. Dad surprised me by calling me on Tuesday afternoon announcing he was in Sydney, so I had Louise pick me up on her way home from work and take me to see my Dad for an hour. Penny, my bestfriend was supposed to take wednesday off work to hang out with her and her mum, but since my trip was cut short, we agreed to go out to dinner at the spur of the moment and Louise came as well. It was a quick night but a really nice night. I enjoyed seeing my Dad so much cos I haven't seen him since early July.

Louise and I took silly pics and had fun like the old times. I just sucked badly at communicating and didn't have really any time to prepare to see anyone like Dorinny who I owe a huge apology to. :( And also, it would have been really nice to catch up with Alynda once again, but I kind of did take it to account that I would be back at the end of the month and would be staying til after New Year (omg! I am going to miss my dog so much) so I could catch up with everyone then. I did consider staying an extra month but right now I am trying to save everything I can and when I woke up this morning I was so sick and just wanted to come home to bed.

So now I have the flu again. I'm not even upset or annoyed by it, I just kind of find it really funny. Ah well. I'm glad to be home again in a way because I love sleeping in my own bed and being in the privacy of my own room. I have heaps of things to do tomorrow tho, so I hope I'm not too sick.

Anyway, I'm going to bed now.