Peace on Earth, goodwill to man.

I have a livejournal. I like livejournal. I write more about my daily crap stuff there. I rarely use it much these days, but I was using it for the past couple years. I was reading back through some old posts last night-- I was shocked. Just over a year or so ago I was filled with such shocking venom, my words were absolute daggers in anyone who showed a little concern for me. My entries were filled with rage toward my family, my brother -- my father -- there were countless comments advising certain people in my life to "do me a favour and go f**king die." or to, "contemplate suicide" ... what on earth...

I almost repressed all of those things, I kind of forgot that I used to say them -- not a fond memory, really. I was such a spiteful little cow. I know I've changed. Praise God that I've changed. But I'm also very ashamed. I had a forked tongue and an attitude that superceded my stature. Some of the entries are kind of funny because I never knew a person could be so bitter, but other's are outright illogical and a bit sad. I'm not a huge fan of who I am at this point in my life, but I know and recognize that I'm not entirely worthless and that if God had no purpose for me, then I wouldn't be here -- but everything that I used to post about was just a blatant cry for help because I felt so much hatred toward myself.

I guess I can Praise God that the sins have lessened, the wallowing in self pity has mostly subsided and my tolerance for others has stretched to unforeseen boundaries -- but sometimes when I look back I'm abhorred with the person I've been in the past.

It made me realise that I have a lot more to confess.

Now, in other news... my beautiful boy's mum has been in Lebonon on a holiday for the past month (he's Lebonese) She was stuck in Beirut. She's traveling alone (was seeing friends) and obviously got caught up in what is going on. His Mum is the sweetest woman, who I've met many times (who thinks I'm actually his gf or something. Oh, I wish....). He heard she was safe, but he was distraught, and his mother was very upset and wanted so much to come home. Australia was sending a ship to get 500 Australian's to Cyprus. They double booked the ship and she missed out. They didn't hear from her today, but saw her on the front of the Queensland newspaper :( looking so devastated that she couldn't get on the ship.

So I got a phone call from him earlier shaken and desperately upset asking for my prayers, for his mother and the rest of his family and friends who still live over there. He hasn't heard from his mother still, but we assume she got on the next ship -- the embassy couldn't confirm it for him but just said, "we think so..." so I've tried to console him that that's probably just the case. From Cyprus they will go to Bahrain then home...

I know everyone is praying for peace right now, but please pray for the safe return of his Mum. He's still living at home with her, and his father passed away when he was younger, and he's really scared and wants his Mummy back more than anything. I can't stand to see my boy so upset. I wish I was at home, I'd just give him such a huge hug.

May God touch all the families with his healing and comforting hand and bring peace to those who have lost anyone or who are concerned about missing loved ones and bring them to a safe return.

This makes me realised that we are all not as detached from war as we sometimes allow ourselves to think we are...