Guess who's back... back again...

Yeah, I always come crawling back to blogspot when greymatter turns extremely gay on me. Remember when blogspot was paying me out back a few months ago? Well, I downloaded Mozilla Firefox and that served as a final solution to a seemingly endless problem.

So here we go... When I was at releasing-magic.com I sort of swayed away from too "over-the-top" Christian posts... and now I wonder why? I know I am not ashamed of my beliefs, but was I trying to gear my blog more toward secular people and didn't want them to lose interest for sharing Christianly views? Was I afraid of what my friends would think? Hmm, not sure. However, I decided that it was ridiculous, especially because I've refocused on a lot of things in my life; The Father Almighty in particular.

I have been reading my bible quite often lately. It's funny, actually cos for awhile there it started getting thick with dust. I started questioning a lot of things while I slept in on a sunday morning and stopped going to weekly Mass. I felt a bit spiritually dry and needed awakening. Because I had been so sick (and still have the remnants of the chest infection) I felt really weak -- and it's funny how easily we fall victim to the evil voices when we're experiencing tough times. About 4 weeks ago now, I woke up around 9am with all intention of going to Mass. Then I thought, "You're too sick, go back to sleep, Jess." and I went back to sleep. I woke up at 10am (Mass begins at 10:30am) and I faffed around for 15 minutes without coughing once. I was just walking around the house aimlessly feeling a bit cocky, "Yep, I slept in......now I'm going to waste my morning doing sweet nothing." ....and I had this sudden feeling of guilt come over me-- like, how can I expect God to be there for me if I won't even turn up every Sunday to look at him?

I got ready for church faster than I could have blinked. I sat down in my favourite pew in less than 15 minutes. (Thankfully my church is maybe a 5 min drive) right as the Mass was beginning. And I decided along the way, that I had to make a choice to start living up to my obligations and promises in order for Jesus to continue walking with me -- that He is not the one who continually turns me away and to do everything in this life possible to glorify Him and to praise only Him and to turn to only Him when things are awry.

I haven't missed Mass since. I have been heavily interested in my bible, and I have been praying about things and thinking about Him constantly and feel Him with me constantly giving me warnings each time I am about to fall to temptation.

And let me tell you, I haven't felt such sweet relief for so long. I will hopefully become more involved in church as the weeks come.

Lastly, I am feeling mostly better -- I am attending my classes again. I have a million things on. I am not going to throw my course away, I am going to trust that THIS is what Jesus wants for me and if it isn't, He will find a way to show me that eventually-- but after careful consideration, I feel He will sustain me if this is what He wants for me.