WYD 08 - RECEIVE THE POWER

If you want to hear the World Youth Day song by Guy Sebastian and Paulini Curuenavuli, then click this link

It can be found on the right hand side of the page on the "media centre" ... The song is beautiful. I really think they made a good choice. I've listened through a few times, and really can't wait to get a copy of it.

I'm interested to hear what everyone thinks.

Exhaustion abounds...

Something struck me this afternoon as I sat down to finish off my homework. I no longer feel a searing pang of resentment toward my course each morning when I awake. For so long I woke up feeling really heavy, as though I wanted to just call up and say, "I quit. I don't do mornings." ...

And now it's just routine. Sometimes, I'll admit, I'm a little shaky on the whole, getting up early thing. I have recently become worse at it because I have a lot of things to do every night, but never the less, I don't wake up and give myself 20 good reasons as to why I should not go to classes that particular day. Progress, no?

I do know that I am absolutely exhausted much of these days and the holidays, my friend, cannot come quick enough. I start my holidays on wednesday and am as broke as hell and still need to pay for a few things. My mum's birthday gift, my best friend's birthday gift and more. and not to mention bills.

I have been having a huge debate with a baptist over the past few days as I previously mentioned, and I decided I've said my peice. I had to be careful about being too caught up over being "right" rather than just passing on God's word... but I think I answered him well, with the help of a lot of my old comments thanks to the lovely Antonia & Carmel =)

Some amazing things happened today, but I will have to write about that later because its after midnight now and I really need to catch some zeds.

I hope everyone is extremely happy & are having a blessed week. :)
xoxo
J

How do I explain.

I have been having a huge debate with an Evangelical Christian about being "saved" vs. coming to Christ through Catholicism. They said...

"you're catholic right? Did you know that Jesus said that "unless a person is born again they cannot see the Kingdom of Heaven"?"

How can I explain (because I am scared of misrepresenting myself) the reasons why baptism cleanses us and why Catholics will also see the Kingdom of Heaven? So far, it's been a pretty fair debate... and this is the first time the person has brought up the fact that I'm Catholic, so was just wondering if someone can help?

[edit]Far out... this person is going for it. How exactly, would I answer this without having to lose my freaking mind?

but you do realize that the catholic church goes against things the bible says and they also have made up many things themselves. The catholic church doesn't even teach salvation which is why Jesus came and died.

I'm tempted to leave it as it is, but I don't want him to assume victory just cos I haven't responded.[/edit]

Temptation.

Warning: This is not a post that reflections me as a nice, Christian person, lol, that's for sure. Please don't think any less of me upon reading this lol.

I have a lot of amazing people in my life, a lot of really good male friends who all love me and respect me. One male friend in particular causes me a lot of grief. He's such a lovely guy and I have been friends with him, I guess I could say, for years now. I don't want to go in to it too much because I'm afraid by some chance he might find his way through here, by way of my email signatures or something (then again, knowing him he'd be too lazy to read the lot anyway, lol!) but there's quite a few years age difference between us ... and over the past year I have probably become a little too infatuated with him. There are two problems with this. Firstly, he doesn't share any of my beliefs, ideals or any deep-rooted values -- and secondly? He's gay. Well, I think. He labels himself as that, but there are other things making me wonder if that's actually the case.

We went to school together, and went on to study technical education together, but have become really close over the past few years. And let me just be blunt? He's one of the hottest guy I've actually ever seen, and I don't classify myself as a particularly superficial chick, but it's just the case.

The problem is, is that I find him a massive temptation. Despite the way he has labeled himself, we have moments together, and there have been instances where I know if I agreed to just go with it, all my beliefs would go flying out the window. We joke about being married, having a relationship, having children, but you know what they say about jokes? Beneath every laugh that there's some truth? When I saw him last there was a moment between us that actually left me a bit dizzy and giddy with feelings for him, and I knew that it was beginning to be a problem.

I avoid going to his house alone these days because each time I do, things happen and the temptation is harder resist there than it is anywhere else, but I don't like the way my feelings for him always fluctuate between having an affection for a good friend or being infatuated with him. I'm sure that there's an element of manipulation from both of us on a subconscious level. I think he goes through confusion with what he wants and I'm sometimes his way out. As for me, I like the idea that I can have someone who loves to act as my boyfriend, who is affectionate, cuddly and always there to stroke my bruised ego when things go wrong, but who doesn't really expect much from me. (Well, that being said...) It was bugging me, so I confided in another Christian friend who told me it was dangerous ground and likened it to "friends with benefits" (I hate that term)

I got really angry and very firmly stated my case. How could it be friends with benefits? We're not having sex. But now that I think back to it, it's basically the same thing isn't it? I'm getting something from him, sometimes physically, may not be sex but it's the same level of physical affection (kissing, etc) and security, and feeling of being needed -- and he's getting something from me, physical affection -- security, and the ability to be able to pretend that he's not actually gay.

I definitely do not want to do away with this friendship at any cost because despite all the above he has been one of my most supportive and generous, considerate friends that I've ever had. I just need to step away from temptation because I feel like sometimes I stand on the line of it with him.

I never, ever, ever have had a problem in the past saying no, or resisting temptation when it comes to the opposite sex at all. And when they've tried to make me feel guilty about it, I've shrugged it away and told them it was their problem (even if it broke up my relationship) -- so why is it such a big deal with this guy? Why do I find him so hard to resist?

Moral dilema

I was invited to a 21st birthday party of a girl in my class. Funnily enough, this is the first party I have been invited to literally for years. How did I manage to make it to the "cool" group without even trying? All those years in early high school, I wanted to be regarded as "cool" or the one that everybody laughs with about silly jokes. I am the one now that everyone involves in conversation, a person that people tell things to, includes in jokes and so on. Yet, it's funny because it's really not that great. While I really like and appreciate my new set of friends, I recognise that they will probably never be the kind of friends that I would tell my deepest, darkest, personal secrets to.

Anyhow, flattered by this invite, I am -- but I'm unsure if I really want to attend. I sort of obliged by telling her I would come, but the girls in my class who are going are organising to all get a cab together so that they are able to drink and are organising to stay at a motel for the night so that they won't have to drive drunk. (At least they are being safe.) Also, we all decided we should put money together and get her a more expensive gift rather than lots of little ones. Do I drink? Well yes, sometimes. I drink a little bit of wine or champagne occasionally, but I'm honestly not into the whole "getting really plastered" part of it. Partly because A, I don't really know these friends very well -- and B, my body is really rather adverse to alcohol in large quantities (isn't everyone's?) ... so I really don't want to be a party pooper, but I'd like to drive my own car there and back. I hate being in situations where I cannot find my way out of. If I attend this party and it turns out to be just another masqueraded orgy as has many a party I've attended in the past few yrs, then I'll be wanting to leave immediately. If it turns out that I am comfortable and want to have a drink or two, I will be happy to stay at the motel, but I don't want to be trapped.

And then, they decided they wanted to put all our money together and buy her something from a sex shop.......? Okay, I'm not really a prude, but I don't really want to promote my friends' pre-marital sex lives. Sure, I won't judge what goes on behind closed doors and I'm not an idiot, I know out of a lot of my friends, the only one who isn't having sex, is me -- but that's my choice -- and it's also my choice not to want to contribute to someone else's desires to engage in sexual activity. They can do what they want, without me putting money in ... for what? I am scared to ask. I don't want to know what exactly it is that they plan to buy and I don't want to know exactly what it is they do in their bedroom.

So yep, happy to go to the party -- don't want to go as a group for fear of being trapped, and secondly, don't want to buy a friend a tacky gift from a sex shop -- would prefer to buy her something meaningful. What to do, what to do?

Guess who's back... back again...

Yeah, I always come crawling back to blogspot when greymatter turns extremely gay on me. Remember when blogspot was paying me out back a few months ago? Well, I downloaded Mozilla Firefox and that served as a final solution to a seemingly endless problem.

So here we go... When I was at releasing-magic.com I sort of swayed away from too "over-the-top" Christian posts... and now I wonder why? I know I am not ashamed of my beliefs, but was I trying to gear my blog more toward secular people and didn't want them to lose interest for sharing Christianly views? Was I afraid of what my friends would think? Hmm, not sure. However, I decided that it was ridiculous, especially because I've refocused on a lot of things in my life; The Father Almighty in particular.

I have been reading my bible quite often lately. It's funny, actually cos for awhile there it started getting thick with dust. I started questioning a lot of things while I slept in on a sunday morning and stopped going to weekly Mass. I felt a bit spiritually dry and needed awakening. Because I had been so sick (and still have the remnants of the chest infection) I felt really weak -- and it's funny how easily we fall victim to the evil voices when we're experiencing tough times. About 4 weeks ago now, I woke up around 9am with all intention of going to Mass. Then I thought, "You're too sick, go back to sleep, Jess." and I went back to sleep. I woke up at 10am (Mass begins at 10:30am) and I faffed around for 15 minutes without coughing once. I was just walking around the house aimlessly feeling a bit cocky, "Yep, I slept in......now I'm going to waste my morning doing sweet nothing." ....and I had this sudden feeling of guilt come over me-- like, how can I expect God to be there for me if I won't even turn up every Sunday to look at him?

I got ready for church faster than I could have blinked. I sat down in my favourite pew in less than 15 minutes. (Thankfully my church is maybe a 5 min drive) right as the Mass was beginning. And I decided along the way, that I had to make a choice to start living up to my obligations and promises in order for Jesus to continue walking with me -- that He is not the one who continually turns me away and to do everything in this life possible to glorify Him and to praise only Him and to turn to only Him when things are awry.

I haven't missed Mass since. I have been heavily interested in my bible, and I have been praying about things and thinking about Him constantly and feel Him with me constantly giving me warnings each time I am about to fall to temptation.

And let me tell you, I haven't felt such sweet relief for so long. I will hopefully become more involved in church as the weeks come.

Lastly, I am feeling mostly better -- I am attending my classes again. I have a million things on. I am not going to throw my course away, I am going to trust that THIS is what Jesus wants for me and if it isn't, He will find a way to show me that eventually-- but after careful consideration, I feel He will sustain me if this is what He wants for me.