How Long?

"How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting Me off?" (Diary 9, pg 7, Notebook I)

I have been reading The Diary Of St Faustina and it's very heavy reading. There's so much in there that I just have to sit and digest before going back to read more. There was a passage in particular that engulfed me with a sense of the utmost reality. St. Faustina had a vision or saw an apparition of another sister that was part of her convent and she was burning in the fires of (I think) purgatory (it may have been Hell, I can't find the passage) and she started praying for her soul, for Jesus to show His Divine Mercy and she appeared nights later worse-off. There was a description of how the sister looked, and I just felt my heart jump. While I don't fear my Lord, I do fear going to the wrong place after I die.

It truly made me take a step away from myself and view my actions and how they affect others around me. Each time I read some of the words that Jesus speaks to St. Faustina, I am filled with joy, and a smile appears upon my lips. To know just how much He loves us! To know that I am the Daughter of Holy Mother Mary.... Wow! The book is so uplifting in so many passages.

I don't doubt the Holiness of St. Faustina, and she is easily my favourite Saint. She had such an amazing life. The opening line of this entry is one of the first things that Jesus said after appearing to her in a dance club (of all places!) I recommend everyone to read it! It's a huge read, intense as well, but so worth it! I have been dreaming of Jesus Christ, St. Faustina and The Divine Mercy for the past week!

So, Penny is pretty much okay. She'll have to stay in the hospital for a bit, but that was to be expected. She was really lucky and is in fantastic spirits as usual, a few of my SMS jokes made her laugh (to be expected :D) ... I went to the doctor and he didn't give me a blood test after all. He was a new doctor, I haven't set up a GP since I've moved to Victoria. So, I seemed happy with him. I was impressed because I told him I had Portal Hypertension and Portal Thrombosis and had a Liver bypass surgery and immediately he knew what the bypass was called - Impressed because Doctors always expect me to know the name -- and yet, I don't cause I have a shocking memory. I also hate seeing Drs for the first time because I have to explain the medical history and endure a look as if I've just sprouted an extra head;
Hyper Plastic Left Heart Syndrome
Cardio Pulmonary Hypertension
Hyper Plasia Right Lung
Absent Left Lung
Absent Left Kidney
Spastic Neurogenic Bladder
Scoliocis
Portal Hypertension
Cardio Thrombosis
PDA....

Oh tra la la la.... I spent an hour in there just explaining that junk. It was about time I went though. It's my new years resolution to start taking care of myself. I haven't been to the cardio since I was 18, and I know if my Sydney GP knew that she'd kick my butt. I also need to make an appointment with everyone else.. So anyway, I went in. Explained that my friend has meningococal and we'd been sharing drink and food and probably saliva of some kind... and so immediately he gave me a course of anti biotics to take and warned me that my urine would turn red.

This seemed somewhat amusing to me, and known for my queendom of inappropriateness, I couldn't help but say in a mock-serious voice, "But it's still gonna taste the same, right?????" You know when.... you tell a joke and ... either nobody gets it or nobody thinks its funny and you hear crickets or see a ball of tumbleweed roll by? .... Yeah.... that's what happened. It was mighty uncomfortable but on the inside I was beside myself in hysterics at just how hilarious my own joke was....

He managed a pathetic teeter.... I think I'll look for a new GP. One with a sense of humour. Ahem.

The Cubicle Reverend answered two questions that I asked him on his journal and posed 2 for me, so here they are in all their answered glory.

What would be your dream job and why?
More than anything I want to be a writer. I have always wanted to write, I spend most of my time writing and it's an amazing outlet. By reading, people can learn and be educated on things that they otherwise wouldn't learn about through people skills, and the ability to relate to others through the written word is a gift that I dare dream and pray to possess. :)

What is your one regret?
Hmm, only one. I try hard not to live in regret, but there's a two huge things and they both weigh out pretty equal. I was closest to my Grandmother growing up and in my family besides my Nana, we were all emotionally void. I saw my Grandmother, conscious on her death bed just hours before she died and I wanted to tell her more than anything else in the world that I loved her but even though I was alone with her and there was no one else around, I couldn't push the words from my mouth regardless of how hard I tried. Instead, I sat beside her, holding her hand trying to pretend everything was all roses, stifling tears because I didn't want her to worry about me. In the end, I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. I said "Bye" very noncommitally, and left the room because I was too coward to say "I love you" ... And that was the last time I saw her. Talk about mental scarring!!

That's all for now!