I'm moving...

Yep.. I'm moving.

Please up date your links if you love me so very much. Blogger isnt for me, I dont like that I have limited privacy (id like to p/w protect particular entries and cant do that while im here)

anyhoozle...

my new link...

www.justonelung.com/blog/

Please add me to your respective blogrolls again.

Thanks muchly :D

God Bless.

My life as a song.

I went to see Rent (the movie / musical) with Sharidan last weekend (Did I mention that already?) and ever since I've been super duper obsessed with it. I want to marry Taye Diggs (for those of you who don't know who he is, he's been in "Go", "Ally McBeal" and "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" ...) and I want to live my life as a camp musical.

I made an announcement just the other day that I was going to live the rest of my life in song. By this, I meant I was going to sing any word that left my mouth for the rest of my life. Quite a commitment right? Partly, I wanted to see how many people I could successfully weird-out and / or annoy the crap out of -- starting right here at my home.

I had a count down and everything. My life officially began in song at midnight on the 18th of March. I reminded my mother at every opportunity I had that our lives were about to change. She'd laugh, thinking I was joking. Oh, well! Wasn't there a nice surprise for her when she woke me up yesterday morning?

I made the quick discovery after 9:30am that nobody quite appreciates a musical the way that I do. In fact, nobody quiet appreciates my random song voice or my unfaltering falsetto. Well, the dogs showed appreciation and they began singing along with me in their howling voices. We harmonised. It was brilliant. I felt understood.

Sharidan called me at around 8pm last night to see if I was serious. I answered the phone singing to her. I continued our conversation in song until she said, "Oh f*ck.... I can't handle this shit... I'll talk to you online." And then she hung up on me and I died a little inside.

By midnight I realised that nobody appreciated my new lifestyle. So.... I stopped just over twenty four hours later.

It's okay because starting midnight tonight, I will be narrating my own life out loud. That will be my new thing.

Eg. "As I walked down the street with my dogs leash in one hand and the other arm swinging by my side, I couldn't help but feel that something wasn't quite right with this situation. My strides were longer than usual, my feet stepped quicker than every other walk that I took and I realised I was anxious about something..."

... That type of thing.

xx
Jess

Flying....

My journal here feels a bit dead, but I suppose that's cause I don't have anything that interesting to report.

I had a fab weekend. I went to Sharidan's and we played PlayStation 2, ATP tennis albeit badly while having a Mariah Carey / Celine Dion scream-a-long at early hours of the morning while cursing each other out for our bad tennis abilities. It was hilarious -- guess you had to be there.

She showered me with gifts from her trip to Thailand, it was so lovely. She got me a stack of games for my playstation including the dance mat hahaha. I can't wait to get a dance game to go with it. It'll be my daily work out since I'm losing weight and I'm very happy about it. We also did some shopping and it was so much fun. We walked for ages and I'm not a good walker, I don't have a lot of endurance, but I'm proud of myself, we probably walked a couple of kms which I never freely do and I bought new shoes. They are beautiful, really. A pair of green heels .. three and a half inches worth! Yay, I'll exceed five feet.

I'm studying the book of James and I love it. There's so much in there to work with. I've been arguing with people for so long about deeds and faith and how deeds don't matter to God, and basically according to James, Faith without deeds is absolutely useless. I find that I digest things so much better when I write notes as I read. So, my little bible is filled with scrawled notes on the pages--- oops. That's okay, it's only tiny and I bring it everywhere with me.

So I have new beautiful make up thanks to Sharidan and a set of beautiful brushes and spent an hour beautifying myself just to go to the store hahaha. We're so consumer driven sometimes that it's not funny. Then on the flipside, we walked down a mainstreet at 8pm in our respective pajama pants without fear and got gawked at by trendy people who were eating in the Thai restaurant that we went to order from, but as I explained it to Sharidan, "We have make up on and our hair is nice and so our pajama pants just make us look cute. If we trundled in there with bed hair and no make up looking ugly, it'd be completely different." ... And that seemed to console us.

Also, a certain Mr. emailed me a lovely email last night asking me out today. Unfortunately I was already home when I received it so I had to decline, but we're definitely going to meet up next weekend or the weekend after. I'm a little bit excited but also a lot scared. It's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend or have any expectations other than to make a new friend, but if said Mr. likes me as it seems he does, I wouldn't be so quick to turn him away as I have been in other times with boys that have shown interest. And I really want to go to a city cathedral for a mass service over the next few weeks and I want to take some photos of churches. I've fallen in love with Cathedrals. I'm not entirely sure, is it wrong to take photos inside churches or outside? I'm not sure ...

It should be interesting how things go anyway. I think things are really truly changing for me at the moment. I have a plan. I know what I want to be doing... I know God loves me and I'm taking great solace in that whenever I am feeling a bit insecure. If I go see Mr. and he finds something wrong with me for any reason, then that's his problem not mine. God made me as He wanted me to be and I'm completely okay with that.

This new state of mind I have is amazing. I'm so happy with life right now and there's just one or two little things that I need to throw myself in to and I'll be fine. :) I'm going to go and take a shower now and wash my hair and cleanse my skin.

God Bless, people. :)

Rite Of Election 2006

Yep. I went to the Rite Of Election thing yesterday at this beautiful Cathedral. It was an exciting but long day. Long because we had to travel over an hour to get there, and it was really hot. The actual service was really beautiful. I met the Bishop and that was cool too! And on saturday night I went to the Rite Of Sending at my own parish. It was a bit nerve-racking cause I had to stand on the alter before the whole congregation and I hate any kind of attention. I was holding on to a piece of paper, and saw how badly it was shaking and had to get a hold of it with two, so it wasn't so obvious. lol.

I had a lot of people coming up and congratulating me and they were mere strangers. It means a lot to me that people that I don't even know care so much about me being accepted in to the Catholic church. It makes me feel really happy.

The person who offered to be my sponser is a really nice guy too. Strangely enough he reminds me of one of my primary school teachers haha. The organiser of my RCIA meetings is a really nice old lady. We spent almost two hours on the phone chatting the other night, which was great because before hand I had this really strong feeling that she didn't like me -- but I heard through another member of my RCIA meetings that she mentioned that she really likes me and feels very comfortable with me and that we have a lot in common.

Aww bless. I love old people :D

Anyway, nothing really too imporant to report, nothing that interesting to talk about. Need to quit being lazy this week and do some important stuff. The past few days I've been feeling a bit out of sorts, health wise. I've been really quite dizzy and lethargic and really unnaturally exhausted. Yucky. Speaking of yucky, for those of you that might know who I'm speaking about -- I'm dealing with the return of Percival. Ol'e Percy is flarring with full force and he's really upsetting me and won't leave me alone. I don't want to have to murder him again!!

Shower and bed now. Ciao.

Personal morals & every day things...

There's some things that I'm doing to try to improve my life at the moment and they're making me feel really good. Some of them are really challenging, and takes a lot of hard work, but at the end of the day I know I'm a better person for them. And so these are some of the things I'm doing, but was wondering if anyone else has some kind of basic personal laws that they try to live by every day. For me, every day I wake up every morning and ask God to give me the strength to fullfil the day as He would will it and to give me the strength throughout whatever situations that may occur to remain righteous.

My list is...

1. When someone is annoying or seemingly unintelligent, stupid without good cause to not make fun, not belittle but rather be patient and kind.
This one is so hard because I find it so hard to deal with stupid people (I know that's mean, but I have such little patience for people who aren't bright), especially when they just don't get things. But sometimes it's not their fault and it doesn't help when people belittle you for it. And its also hard because I used to throw insults for fun.

2. Before laughing cruelly at someone else for their misfortune, take stock of own misfortune.
Another hard one, especially when it involves someone that I've felt / feel disdain for. However, I just think about how crap things have been for me and how gutted I would feel if I found out people were laughing at me and just waiting to see something bad happen to me, because ultimately I think I'm a good person in most respects. (But doesn't everyone think that about themselves???)

3. When someone doesn't share the same opinion or doesn't understand the logic and sensibility in something, be patient and kind.
Ew this is the one I hate because I can't stand it when people don't see things my way, because essentially my opinion is the only one that counts and the only one I care about hearing. But, it's really good to sometimes just sit back, swallow pride and try to hear something from another perspective and maybe gain an insight as to where other people's minds are at. And again, think of how I would like someone heckling or belittling me because I don't share the same sentiments on a subject.

4. Don't curse anyone else out, or swear for the sake of swearing.
Probably easily the most difficult daily rule for me because I previously swore like a sailor. Each time I go to swear (consciously) think to myself, "Is this word really necessary? Is there another word you can replace it with?" ... It doesn't always have the same effect, unfortunately, but at the end of the day I think about when I go out and I see a bunch of sweet looking girls around my age swearing and letting them fly, I realise how cheap and tacky it sounds - and I'm not cheap nor am I tacky.

5. Think before speaking.
This is a pretty good one because there's been so many times where I've opened my mouth and sprouted off things without thinking of the impact it could have on another person, or how it would make me sound. If I think before reacting but rather acting on impulse, I know I've conducted myself with perfect decorum and dignity.

6. Give forgiveness.
There's been a lot of people over the past year that have really ruined things for me and drove me in to depression for awhile. I held so much animosity toward these people for so long, but a couple of months ago I was just able to "let go" and feel indifference to it all instead of anger and hurt and I realised that harbouring animosity takes so much energy and its more cutting to not give that person thought at all. However, just months later some of those people came to me and apologized for everything that they caused me, admitting to some things I wasn't sure they ever did -- and it felt so much better to say, "You're forgiven. Don't worry about it, let's move on." This is not to say that I'm inviting them back in my life, or letting anyone walk all over me, but these people are not even worthy of ANY of my energy whether it be negative OR positive.

7. Always listen.
When someone needs advice, needs to vent, needs to cry. Be selfless enough to put your own crap aside for 10 minutes to hear someone out. Every person has his own set of problems and to each person his or her set of problems are as important as your own and are as worthy of your attention as your own. In order to be helped, you have to be willing to help others.

8. Do one good deed per day.
Be it a prayer for a stranger, a donation to charity, a favour, offer help, cheer someone up, make lunch for someone, buy someone something. Anything that will serve someone else for the greater good and bring them happiness.

I end my day with The Divine Mercy Chaplet, a short prayer of thanks and a passage from The Bible.

Of course there's always some slip ups and you can't just always be passive, but anger for a reasonable cause is better than being angry for no cause at all.


Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.



God Bless, Jess :)

My pillow never dries.

I'm a huge fan of all kinds of music. All kinds. It annoys me when fangirls are absolutely biased to one particular artist. Granted we all have our favourites, but don't get mad when someone doesn't agree that your particular favourite artist posseses every last drop of talent exceeding that of any other artist. Don't get mad when someone suggests that a certain song by particular artist isn't that great. Everyone has different tastes, different ideas, different ways of taking in music.

Unless of course we're talking about Michael Jackson, then you are an idiot if you don't see that every single MJ song is the greatest, and if you don't like him clearly you're a twit. And if you don't see that the entire world is out to get him then you are plain ignorant. A plainly ignorant, idiotic twit.


.... Oh yeah, in case you couldn't tell. I'm being sarcastic. Fan girls make me mad.

Psalm 67
May God be merciful and bless us.
May his face shine with favour upon us.

God bless, dumplings.

Baby you're my kryptonite

Hello.

I went to the RCIA meeting tonight and a beautiful Ash Wednesday Mass. I talked with the priest. You are looking at someone who will be a confirmed Catholic by Easter. I came home and called my friend, as I was so happy and wanted someone else to do backflips with me. I have very limited people to invite to my confirmation, I won't even bother including my parents. Most of my friends are non believers. That leaves two people. That's fine.

On saturday I go to the Mass to sign in my name. And on Sunday for something else but I don't remember what that was about. My mind was spinning by then. And I hope to God that the day I'll be confirmed will NOT be the day of my brother's wedding, or three days before or after or else... I'll be really sad lol. My two friends are delighted to come along and before I even had the chance to ask one, he jumped in and told me that he wanted to be there. It made me so happy.

And dude, I don't do sappy heart-to-hearts with anyone, but I did with my friend today. And I'm so happy about that. I'm so proud of myself for saying what I needed to say without suffering verbal diahorrea. Now........to work on that confession. Eeep. I talked more to people in my meeting and I like two people in particular! :D

I also spoke to a disability liason officer today in regards to study. Good stuff. Praise God. :)

x
Jess

Doesnt matter what you did....

I was doing some reading (praise God for my internet cable now avaliable in the privacy of my own room.) and I came across this;

"We think ourselves so modern and enlightened when we read of lepers walking through crowds, crying out “Unclean, unclean!” so that others could avoid touching them and thus protect themselves from ritual impurity. We tell ourselves we would do no such thing, but we do the same thing! When a person in our society becomes sad, or depressed, or out of sorts—our modern form of social leprosy—they cry out, “I want to be alone, I want to be alone.” In truth, they want company, but they tell people to go away to avoid rejection and to make it easier to restore relationships when they are feeling chipper again. We laugh when we remember the days when people dressed to the nines for church and stayed home when their attire wasn’t fancy enough, but we stupidly do the same thing with our emotions. We stay away when our emotions aren’t presentable." ... ( Read More )

It really spoke to me and put a few things in to perspective. It's quite a nice little write up. :) Today my friend emailed me and this is a person who's so special in my life. He's someone I initially had a crush on, but realized there's nothing at all romantic about him and he's turned in to a fantastic close friend. He told me about how things were prospering well in his life and asked how I was. I told him that I was so/so, trying to keep above the water... But that I was okay. He emailed back concerned, and I just felt so much strength from it. I'm a little gobsmacked by the response but didn't expect anything less. It made me feel a lot more resilient than I give myself credit for.

Jess, my baby, I'm not going to sit here and say to you "everything is going to be okay", at the end of the day - they are just a few words, and the outcome of life is what we make it..... Jess, im not saying this to you just coz your here, or just coz you need to hear a nice word, but the honest truth, from my heart and soul - I'll tell you what you mean to me, you are one of my truest friends who I know will be there for me in the good times and during the bad, you are without a doubt one of the most amazing people I have ever met - you know why I respected you so much when i met you Jess? Its coz you just believed in yourself, you didn't sit there saying to people "Look at me, Im disabled... pity me"... its easy to pity someone, and its easier to be pitied, but you never wanted that - you always said "I am what I am, and I'm gonna work with it" and you always held your head up high, you inspired me in a way to just accept who I was...

Your like one of those people whos on Ripleys Believe it or Not who everyone feels sorry for, but at the same time looks at with such admiration, just because of how strong you are. I believe your stronger than you yourself know Jess, you've made it this far and your still standing despite all the obstacles, any lesser person would have fallen down a long long time ago..... Thats why I love you Jess, your an amazing inspirational person, and I honestly mean that!!

God worked another miracle in my life today. He made me see with clarity that I'm worth something to the people in my life despite how oblivious I may be to that. Praise Him. And Praise God for giving me such a sweet, beautiful friend. This boy is so lovely. If only there were more boys like him.

I'm going to Mass in 2hrs. And so Lent begins...

God Bless You All!